Week 2 Story: The Mice and the Tabby Cat

See the most recent version published on my Portfolio

One day, a small girl was walking home, but she forgot her key. She knew her mom would be home soon, so she sat on the front step and watched the bustle of the city. Adults walking with brief cases, taxis exchanging person after person, and a few mice in the ally. "I wonder what the mice are thinking today," she thought to herself.

"There's so much food in the trash today!" Mouse 1 squeaked happily.

"Yes, it's a good day," said Mouse 2.

"I'm so full." groaned Mouse 3.

The three mice dove into the trash bags left out by the nice neighbors, who never seem to clean finish all their food. They found this home a few weeks ago, and have been happily binging their little hearts out and returning to their own home in the sewers happy and full.

"EEP!" squealed Mouse 3.

"What?" Mouse 1 and 2 responded, poking their heads out of an unlicked bag of chips.

"Shhh shh shh, don't look now, but a big cat just sat on the wall up there," whispered Mouse 3 frantically.

Mouse 2 cautiously raised his head, taking a good look at the big, fat cat, who found a comfortable spot on the wall and stretched out lazily. "It looks like it's had a great meal today too," said Mouse 2.

"Yes," said Mouse 1, "I think it's perfectly happy laying there. As long as we stay quiet and walk away slowly, it shouldn't notice us at all."

"But it's so big and scary!" Mouse 3 whimpered.

"I know, but it'll be okay if you follow my lead. I'll go first." Mouse 1 said, inching away towards their exit.

Mouse 2 leaned close to Mouse 3 and whispered "Trust us, we before we knew you, we had to get out of much more dangerous situations."

Mouse 3 watched both Mouse 1 and 2, who were both almost to the safety. He inched out cautiously, keeping his eyes fixed on the cat overhead. Every time he felt like squeaking out, he glanced at his friends who stayed quiet, and kept on inching forward. He made it to where the other mice were hiding in the shadows, and let out a sigh of relief. The three mice scampered off, and slipped safely into the gutter.

"That little mouse stayed quiet," thought the girl, "and made it back to his little buddies."

At that moment, the girl's mom came up the few steps, unlocked the door, and held the door open for her daughter.
City Apartment Front

From the traditional story, I decided to make the three animals all mice because in a huge world, they have a lot of dangers around them, and to make the danger equal for all three animals. I made the observer one girl in the bustle of a big city because she could relate to the small mice in a big world, and see the cause and effect of the mice's actions. Lastly, I decided to change the threat in the story to a disinterested cat, a physical but still avoidable threat.

Bibliography. "The Turtle Who Couldn't Stop Talking" from Jataka Tales by Ellen C. Babbit. Web source

Comments

  1. Hello Julia!
    I loved how you switched the perspective at the end of the story as it seemed like we were initially on top of the mice watching like a disembodied third person. Something I did wonder: Could the girl hear and understand what the mice were saying to each other? It was an interesting thought and maybe it was meant to be left ambiguous. In the beginning, I also caught myself wondering why the mice were simply numbered. I thought maybe it was to convey a message while keeping them at arm’s length. That is, as readers, they were named as such so we don’t begin to form any sort of attachment. Anyways, great job on the story! Keep up the good writing!

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  2. Julia, as a big fan of Ratatouille, I really enjoyed your story! I have some questions that are similar to Britten's. I wasn't sure by the end of the story if the little girl was just imagining what the mice were saying, or if she was just watching the mice, and the audience got to hear what they were thinking as a third person observer. Good job building tension, I liked your story a lot!

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