Comment Wall

Creative Writing

My Portfolio site is up! Click here to visit.

Comments

  1. Hi Julia,
    I chose that same source story! I like how you wrote your story to where all the mice lived even though he wanted to squeak out in fear. I made mine about frogs and a kitten. I like this concept of if whatever the character is just has a little patience or is disciplined enough to resist an urge, then it will be okay in the end. The turtle couldn't do it, and neither could the kitten in my story. Fortunately, your mouse was able to resist the fearful temptation. I also enjoy your dialogue. It fully communicates the mice's personalities, and helps progress the plot. Maybe adding a few sentences describing an interaction with the cat could add some more to the story. I would definitely keep it so all mice survive, but maybe the cat notices them and chases them just for a short bit of time. Great work!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Julia,
    You transformed this story very well!! I could not recognize the original from reading. I love the little girl as a the outsider looking on to this small world. I feel like I am very guilty of this idea where I can be a little impatient sometimes. I blame it on my horoscope more than anything. Aries like things done! Anyways, was there a reason why you chose this story to be in your portfolio? What was the meaning behind the title of your portfolio? Also, I wonder what would have happened between the cat and mouse if it had woken up. Yay for happy endings! I guess my only suggestion would be to add some more drama into the story. Are you going to be using the same type of style for the rest of the stories? The style where you have like a story within a story?

    Can't wait to read more!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello Julia! Before commenting on your story, I first want to acknowledge how aesthetically pleasing your site/portfolio is. I love the look! The theme even matched with the photo you provided of the city apartments. I am definitely going to use your site as inspiration to spice up my own a bit more. As far as the story itself... I thought it was so cute! Having the three mice as the main characters made me think of the mice from Cinderella: Jaq and Gus Gus. Now thinking about it more, I'm actually imagining your mice characters as the chipmunks from Alvin and the Chipmunks: Alvin, Simon and Theodore. I picture little chubby Theodore as the shy, timid one in your story - Larry. And when I think about the food involved from part of the beginning, I think of Remy the rat from Ratatouille. Your story has definitely got my imagination flowing (even though it's totally off topic from the Indian folktale). Looking forward to reading more of your content, Julia!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Julia!
    First off, I loved the introduction to your story. The brief foray into the human world before diving into the mouse world was great, and set a fun mood for the rest of the story. I also liked how well you described each of the characters, giving details into their personalities and habits. This is something I don't think a lot of people do given the length restrictions for our stories in the class, but you did it well. I'm not sure if you were trying to give a reference to Tom and Jerry, but if you were I enjoyed that too. I like how the story has two different perspectives with you going back to the human perspective at the end, and especially for stories with so many different characters such as the Ramayana and the Mahabharata, I think giving multiple viewpoints is a great idea. Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Julia! I really enjoyed your Cat and Mouse story. Opening it with the girl wondering about them is such a great way to interest the reader immediately. From reading it, I got a feeling of zooming in on her world, then zooming in further onto the mouse. You do a great job with detail and not focusing on any one thing for too long, and the personalities you gave all the characters were so distinct that I was able to differentiate them all easily. I also thought the length of everything was great--I was happy to see that you gave us a conclusion to both the mouse's story and the girl's story. Overall, you did a wonderful job re-telling this story! I am excited to see what else you come up with.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Julia!

    I decided to read your cat-and-mouse story and I really enjoyed it. Before I ready anything
    i really like the aesthetic of your site and your pictures went perfectly with your story. Your story was really fun and easy to read. I really liked how the point of view started with the little girl then moved to the mouse and then back to the girl. While reading your story I was picturing like a animated pixar kind of scene. I thought your writing was really good and you did a wonderful job telling the story.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Julia, first off, I would like to say that I really enjoyed the overall layout of your web page in terms of its clear-cut, and without any extravagancy to it. The overall layout and design is professional and it was like I was reading something off the Wall Street Journal when I opened the website for the first time. There were no distractions that takes away from the readings; even the image that you included were in aesthetic with the design of the web page. Good work!

    For the story, I really liked how you incorporated the original Jakata and renditioned it in an imaginative way. I like how there was a flip in perspective in terms of how the girl viewed the mice and how the narrator then zooms into the smaller-scale perspective with the mice themselves. This is something that I found very interesting. However, I do wonder though, what would happen if the mice was caught by the fat cat? It seemed as though the original storyline was strayed away from the disastrous ending to the original Jakata, to a happier one here, in the story that you wrote down! What if you did add the disastrous ending? How would the little girl react? How would this change the overall moralistic side of the story? I think it would be fascinating if the outcome of the story matched the one in the Jakata. Anyways, good work! I can't wait to see what's more to come from your website!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Julia
    I immediately thought the title to your Portfolio was attention grabbing and I like the style and pictures you used for your website. I appreciate that you gave a brief summary of the original turtle and geese story in your author’s note. Not everyone read all the same stories, so I find myself confused sometimes when I read other people’s story books. I was confused at first why you chose such similar names for the mice, but didn’t have any trouble differentiating when I continued reading. I love the modern setting you put for your second story and the changes you made in the plot to accompany the new setting. Sita leaving the old man because he was stranger is exactly like the “stranger danger” idea that everyone is taught when they’re kids. Both stories were great, so I don’t have any comments for revisions or editing, I’m looking forward to reading your other stories!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Julia!
    I found your imaginative retelling of this story very interesting as it was an immediate eye catcher. This original little girl bit was what caught my eye, as I had no idea which route this story would go to. The squeals and eeps of the mice throughout the story was also a very smart detail to include, to further personify, in a way, these mice. The next story about the strange old man was also interesting. It was a complete 180 from the altered story about the mice. The original names of Ramana and Sita were used in this story, which was a bit hard to understand the sudden shift in story telling. It makes a bit more sense after reading your author's note, but I also wish there was more explanation on why there was such a shift in the storytelling. Other than that, you did a great job!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Julia!

    Great work! In your first story, Cat and Mouse, the first thing that stood out to me were the mices' names: Terry, Jerry, and Larry. Is this a Parks and Recreation reference? If not, what a funny coincidence! lol! I love the imagery and the dialogue you have produced in this story. I can literally see the girl sitting on her front porch steps just watching the traffic, and it threw me back to a memory when I had forgotten my keys to the house too. I like your reasoning on why you chose to have the characters as mice in your authors note, super creative. I kind of wish that you included that the girls name was Sita in the first story so it connects a little better... unless it's not the same girl. If that's the case then don't listen to me, haha. I like the creepy vibe of the second story. It was a totally different style of story than the first which really shows the different voices that you are able to showcase within your portfolio. I'm excited to read your next story and to see how your portfolio evolves!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Julia,
    I like the way you went with your project. Having a portfolio of your short stories is a great way to show off your creativity and writing skills. I remember reading your first story for the blog comments and I remember how much I enjoyed reading it. The amount of detail you put in your story is what really drew me in. You use such descriptive language that it is so easy to imagine your words as I read. I like the simple changes you made in the story to make yours stand out but also kept it similar enough to recognize similarities to the original. I love the thought process for your second story. I also made my stories more modern so readers could understand it more. I also like the different between the first and second stories. Since your portfolio is a collection of your short stories, I think showing your writing diversity is a great thing.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think that your intro page should have a bit more of an introduction to what we the reader is getting into with your story. The image and the title just let us know that we are in for some kind of adventure but what kind?
    I love the word choice of bustle. It really adds to the tone of the story right off the bat. I also like you show us this bustle with the actions going around her. I love us going inside her imagination. I love peaking into the wonderous imagination of a child. I think instead of you telling us that jerry is a nervous mouse, you could write something he does to show us that he is a nervous mouse. This is called show don’t tell storytelling. It can really help stories be more dynamic. I enjoyed the story Cat-and-Mouse more than the story The Strange Old Man. I think it had a bit more of a slow start. Maybe if you could find a way to make the beginning of the story a little more grabbing it would be beneficial. Overall great job!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Julia,

    As I read your second story, I really like the way you used dialogue as well as the paragraph breaks. It really helps section your writing so that it is not just one chunk of text. One thing that I think you could improve on is your image use. I noticed that in your first story that your banner image is also the image that you used but in the second story, it is only in the banner. This makes it kind of hard to see. I think that maybe another thing that you could do is to change the names so that they are more applicable since it seems like your version of the story is definitely more modern than the original.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hey Julia! I thought it was a cool coincidence that I stumbled upon your project and your first story right after I read a different project called New Perspectives. Just as you go into the interactions between a mouse and a cat, the story from New Perspectives told a story from the point of view of a fish. I thought that was a neat transition to your project. I liked that in your first story, we were able to see events play out from the mice's perspective as well as the waiting girl. To the girl, it was fascinating. To the mice, however, it was a matter of life and death. Clever concept here! It seemed so trivial from the point of view of the girl. I enjoyed reading your second story, The Strange Old Man. It seemed like such a fitting role for Ravana haha. I was really glad to find that Ravana didn't end up taking her. I felt that suspense building up as Sita left the store front. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hey Julia,
    I really enjoyed your Portfolio. I thought the pictures that you had in each section were great and gave a lot of info about what I was going to read about. I love the retellings of both stories. The reason for that is that they are not drawn out or very complicated. They contain just a few key characters and the message you are trying to get across does come across very easily. That is what a portfolio or a storybook is supposed to do so I commend you on that. I don’t know why but I thought you writing was so easy to read and I actually found myself going back and reading the stories more than once. Usually when I come across portfolios I get bored of them real fast and skim them but not with yours. I was able to read every single line and your writing captivated me.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi Julia!
    Wow! I love your writing style. You seem to be able to really provoke the thought process that your characters are experiencing. You used great imagery when describing the busy city with the "brief cases" and "taxis exchanging person after person." This was a great transition into the mouse and the little mouse world you did a great job of portraying. I think also super ironic that the trash of humans turns out to be the treasure of the little rodents. I love how this story is inside the imagination of the little girl. I think it is so fascinating how human brains can tell stories in our own imaginations, especially with little kids like this one. I feel like this is how some legendary stories have already been written. I also thought it was super cute how you rhymed the little mice's names. It sure was a tongue twister, but this detail ornamented the thoughts of the child. Finally, great pictures, and I can't wait to read more!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi Julia!! Great job so far on the stories, really enjoyed reading them! I love that your author’s note is so in-depth. I feel like I haven’t seen that in a lot of the other note’s. I think by making it so detailed, you really allow your reader to get a better understanding of the background information needed to better understand the story. Although providing a shortened version of the original story is really convenient for your reader, I think including a link to the original story may be sufficient. The reader can find the original story that way and it cuts down on your work! One other thing you could do to enhance your author’s note is by including more personal reasoning for why you chose that specific story than another one. I really think that adding that personal touch can allow your reader to connect with you as an author and understand your reasoning for choosing that specific story. Overall, I think you're doing a wonderful job!! I also the title of your storybook!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hey Julia!!
    I loved your stories! You have really tight, concise writing style that has a really good flow on stage, and the first story about the mice was just the perfect amount of cute-sy! It never felt too cliche or over the top, but just right! In both stories, I really like the little twists you put on the story to change it up a bit. You clearly have a good background in storytelling and in the original texts to be playful with the source, but keeping it an engaging story! One personal head-canon I had for your two stories was that Sita was the little girl in the Cat-and-Mouse story! It just seemed like it would fit well as another day after school for sweet, innocent Sita! One recommendation I have is to think about adding audio/video to your portfolio! This is an online medium, and that has so many more benefits than a normal book! You could add city ambiance for the cat-and-mouse story, or a timelapse of a busy storefront for the Strange Old Man story! Just something to think about to put your readers in the mood!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hello Julia! I always found the character of Sita to be quite alluring. I actually did a breakdown on the short movie called “Sita Sings the Blues” and I would highly recommend watching it! I like your style of writing. It comes off as short and sweet which means you could get directly to the point. You use dialogue quite effectively to move along your story without the need for a lot of narration. I think this makes it to where you can develop the characters while simultaneously move the story along. I think this method has the positive merit of making the reader care for and feel like they are with the character. I liked your creative decision to make the setting more modern as it makes the situation more comparable to our setting. There is not much I can throw in the way of suggestions to be honest. Everything that comes to mind is more of a personal decision and I pondered the idea of making some of the dialogue a bit more modern. Overall, I enjoyed your breakdown and you have a nice writing style! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hello Julia,
    I thought your story with the three mice was very interesting and I see the differences that you make from the original. When it comes to the flow there was a few things that made it kind of sound rushed but I guess after reading a lot of other stories that are LONG, I may have expected it to be long. (lol) You do really good in your story telling thought and you do make the stories easy to read and never boring. Your own personal spins is great and this class is about creativity and you are doing an awesome job. Going back to the mice story, when you explained why you chose mice that is a very true statement. Mice have a lot of challenges in a big world like today and you definitely make that known to the readers by showing the excitement in finding good trash. Keep it up!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hi Julia,

    I loved getting to look at your portfolio and read one of your stories. I chose to read "The Mice and the Cat" and I really enjoyed it. I had read the original story about the turtle and the geese on which you based it so I had a little bit of background knowledge before reading your version. I think changing the characters into mice was a nice and unique twist to the original. I am glad that in your story all three of the mice survived and made it out alive from the cat. I also thought it was really cute that all of their names rhymed. I wonder how your story would've turned out if one of the mouse had squeaked. Would all three of them had still made it or would the one that squeaked not have made it with the others? Interesting to think about!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Introduction to a Pet Lover

Week 3 Story: A Mysterious Old Man